In Defense of Niceness

Annie over at Knitsofacto has generated a mini-storm of comments with her latest post, in one paragraph of which she quotes a professional blogger who describes what most of us do as "mere vanity blogging".

(Are your hackles rising? Hop over to Annie's blog to read the excellent post, its many responses, and, if you like, to join the discussion politely raging there.)

So what are we doing here in Blogtopia, we amateur bloggers and crafters and cyclists and cooks, we dilettante poets and photographers? Vainly strutting our stuff? Participating in a massive worldwide session of self-indulgent puff? Perhaps - but I much prefer Annie's kinder and wonderfully descriptive term: "artful blogging". (Some of her commenters went on to call it "friendship blogging" - equally appropriate, equally delightful.)

Blogging is an outlet for expression and creativity, for things we can't always say or do in our workaday "real" life. But connection, even more than creativity, seems to be what drives us most. We blog because we want to connect. We blog because we want to share some of the good and beautiful things that come our way. We blog because we're happy - and sometimes because we're sad, or in pain. We blog to find friends, and to be friends.

One of the ways we demonstrate friendship is by visiting the blogs of others and leaving comments - which leads me to one of the comments on Annie's post, in which an anonymous writer states, "The blogging world is artificially nice"*.

Yes, the blogging world can be artificially nice - in the same way that many real-world human interactions are. Let's face it - niceness, whether artificial or genuine, is the grease to the wheels of society. It makes things smoother, quieter, and more pleasant to be around. I don't say this to condone lying, online or off, but rather to show that the blogging world is EXACTLY like the "real" world - full of polite falsehoods (with some sincere compliments), and shallow enthusiasms (but also some that are deeply genuine).

In the blogging world, we have the inestimable advantage of being able to audit what we say - to smooth over the rough edges of our speech - to think not only before we speak, but during, and after. We can polish and tweak our comments, our blog posts - no one will see them until we hit the "publish" button. (Would that we could do that in our real-life conversations!)

Is this artificiality, or a form of self-control? Maybe a little of both - but surely self-control is no bad thing. I particularly appreciate this aspect of blogging because - dirty laundry moment! - in "real" life I have a dreadfully sharp and sarcastic sense of humour. It's so easy to let fly with a remark that I think is funny, only to find that I've unintentionally wounded someone. For this reason, I love being able to temper my virtual conversations, and mull over what I say before I really say it. Call it artificiality if you like - I think of it more as aspiring to be the person I ought to be.

The view from my driveway isn't always this good -
but I'd rather have you see it when it's beautiful
than when it's not.

As for the gooey form of "niceness" which consists of gushing insincerity, let us away with it! I do think comments ought to be generally positive - after all, if you don't like what someone makes (or writes or photographs), it really doesn't help to say so, unless they've asked for your considered opinion. But can't we be both honest AND kind? We can always find something to compliment -  a colour, a phrase, a button, a detail. Or we can simply not comment at all. (As our mothers used to tell us: if you can't find anything nice to say, then don't say anything. Not a bad rule, as it goes.**)

What do you think? Are we kidding ourselves and others with our bloggy niceness? (And would we be able to admit it if we were?)

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*Please don't think I am holding Anonymous up to ridicule here. Rather his/her words sparked a train of thought which I am indulging in this post. Here are Anonymous's words in context: "The blogging world is artificially nice where in reality the online world is vicious the people are still the same though. They are in some cases just projecting differently as they may have an online personna themselves." Very true.

** If we simply can't stomach what someone has said, and feel that we must speak out, of course we should do so - but we stand a much better chance of making our point if we speak politely. Which of course you know already. :)

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